ok

1 i failed my driving test the first time, it was a sad day for all of the woodys, 2nd time perfect score.
2 i was bitten by a dog (a chow, for no reason whatsoever) when i was 10. i was walking back home from swim practice because i pulled down my pants and was wearing underwear instead of a swimsuit. another bad day.
3 i used to watch solid gold when i was really young. too young. i also imitated the dancers on the show by dancing for all present with my chonies stuck up my cheeks.
4 i was in 8 fights in high school
5 i once stole a girlfriend from another guy. he dropped out of school and bought a gun (so i was told, i never saw it), i saw him years later, everything was cool.
6 my roommate and i were fired from our jobs as lifeguards at a Christian camp for having beer in our fridge, another bad day for the woodys.
7 i got a pedicure with my wife once.
8 my sister was adopted.
what a buzz kill, i don't know why most of these were so bad, maybe just the things that i hide i guess. just kidding about the last one i am just tired of thinking

oldie but goodie

i was re watching one of my favorite ali g segments as the genius interviews buzz aldrin. it always amazes me how quickly this guy can think on his feet, especially since he is a pothead. one moment that i love is when buzz is explaining to ali that comedy is when you pair something serious with something absurd. that is the essence of ali g comedy

good things at work, bad things at work

i enjoy blood thinners, low cholesterol, a fit heart, clean fingernails, a nice smile, emaciation, old age, good medical care, normal facial hair and symmetry.
i do not enjoy recent surgeries (especially in the abdomen or chest), lack of bowel movements, obesity, blood clots, cowlicks, diapers, gangrene, buckteeth or missing dentures, excess fluid anywhere, jaundice, bad hygiene, diabetes, shunts, thin skin, cradle cap, tissue gas, arthritis, anything contagious, autopsies, tissue/organ/bone donation, bizarre wrinkles, vascular anomalies and prolonged refrigeration.

left laughing

last night i was feeling restless even after a very hard week of work. i wanted to go to the movies, sara didn't. i was not in the mood for the bourne flick, and sara didn't want me to see one of the others without her. so it was down to HOT ROD. please reserve judgement. i was not expecting much, but those who know me, know that i am a big fan of silly movies like dumb and dumber (only the original) and napoleon dyn-o-mite (better spelling). i was not disappointed. one of the best flicks from snl cast members in a long time. watch out for the the dance scenes and over the top stunt injuries. the style of comedy was right up my alley, stupid, absurd and immature. if you need to relax and relive some retro style music/comedy/mindset it is a must.

tonight's bad beat story

so i am in the weekly no limit tourney at the local casino, and i am just getting settled in. getting a feel for the table. on the 6th hand i pick up pocket jacks and someone makes a pretty big bet for the beginning of the tourney and there are like five people in the pot. flop comes queen jack six. i am worried about pocket queens because of so many callers. it is checked around to me and i bet 70 percent of the pot, the guy directly behind me goes all in which is like 3 times the size of my bet. everybody folds around to me and i ask the guy if he has pocket queens, he very truthfully shakes his head no. obviously i shove my chips in. he has queens and jacks so i am loving it; i am in great shape. only 2 cards in the deck beat me. turn king. river queen. queens full of jacks versus jacks full of queens. Alright everyone, good luck, buh bye. DONKEY!